That hospital smell

Camille and I tend to quickly wash every piece of clothing we take to the hospital pretty much as soon as we get home.  There is a certain smell that gets in our clothes from the place.  Now they don't stink (although I didn't pack enough clothes for the cath appointment thinking we would only be there one night but that is another story). There is just this odor that my mind immediately associates with CMC-Dallas.  The place is very bitter sweet for us.  I have to admit there has been more than once (ok more like a dozen times) we have said to each other that "we hate this place."  The truth is that without that "place" Addie would not be the happy little chunk of a beauty she is.  That place has put us in the unique and blessed position that we are right now. 

When we got the troubling news last week that Addie might need the TPA to alleviate the clot issue and that we would be going to the Cardiac ICU (aka the 3rd floor) it was both scary as hell but slightly comforting for me since the 3rd floor is place we know well.  All too well.  The faces are generally familiar (although they have new fellows now).  A lot of the nurses we know and the attendings recognize us as we them.  As soon as we got to the 3rd floor, the familiar faces started coming around.  "Good to see yous" were exchanged, but both sides quickly retreated to say that we wished it was under different circumstances.  When a faint pulse was found in Addie's foot after just a few minutes on the 3rd floor room it was declared by the attending (Dr. Koch) that is was a "therapeutic transfer."  The nurses kidded that Addie just wanted to come back and say hi.  As we waited to be sent back up to the 8th floor, more nurses stopped by along with another attending who we know to see Addie, check on us and generally see how all was going.  What a incredibly strange range of emotions it was.  Both good to see these people who do amazing work on a daily basis but tough to see them as it meant we were back.  Back where it all began.

It is an incredible place.  A place that still has more days requiring our attendance, but it is at the same time a very hard place to be and to return to.  The halls are easily navigated now.  The cafeteria easy to find.  The ins and outs of the vending machines and parking a passing thought.  But it still gets me sometimes.  I still hate it sometimes.  I appreciate it, admire it, but at times hate it.  

But we will be back.  Addie will be back.  This time hopefully for a lot shorter time than the first go-around.  And yes, when we get home, the clothes will go quickly in the washer.