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Thursday, September 18, 2014

Update

Lots has happened since Scott last updated the blog. He updated the day before Addie's birthday so since then, we have celebrated her and Ellie's birthdays, had a cardiology appointment, and started school among many other things.


We had a joint birthday party with family to celebrate both Addie and Ellie. It was a sprinkle themed party complete with sprinkle cupcakes and treats, "sprinkle the plants with water," "sprinkle yourself with accessories," and "sprinkle the paper with drawings." The girls got a princess Jeep for their birthday and it has been one of the best presents. They still ride in it almost every day and both have become pretty good drivers.





Addie had a cardiology appointment in July. Everything checked out beautifully and she will go back in January 2015. It has been so nice going so long between appointments. I hope it continues to be that way for a few years. Dr. Ikemba, Addie's cardiologist, did mention that if everything keeps going the way it is (good) then we are looking at her Fontan before kindergarten. I still struggle with doing it then if it isn't absolutely necessary, but I truly believe Dr. Ikemba is one of the best doctors around so would weigh our opinion. She cares about our family and Addie so very much and always makes me feel like we have the best care available. I really love her and trust her opinion.


This summer, we went with my family to the JW Marriott in San Antonio. We all had such a great time. The girls loved spending time with their cousins and having playmates all day every day. There is so much to do there that you never have to leave, although we did go into San Antonio one night to see my Uncle Ro and Aunt Janet and their family. We enjoyed the waterpark, watching movies at nighttime, and a band one night. It really was lots of fun!  I also took the girls to Spearman for a week in July. They love going there. The pace is so much different than Dallas. It is really a breath of fresh air for me.


Both girls started "school" at Wilshire at the beginning of September. Ellie asked all summer when school started so was super excited to go back. She has one of the same teachers that she had last year, Ms. Jackie, who is one of Ellie's favorite people (and mine too). Addie was also pretty pumped about starting school. She is going one day a week this year and loves it so far. One of Addie's teachers, Ms. Amy, has been a friend of ours for a long time. When I found out that she was going to be Addie's teacher, I almost cried. I was really dreading telling her teachers about her heart history for some reason, but I didn't have to since Amy already knew. I really think we couldn't have asked for better teachers for both our precious girls this year.




We are good. Addie is good. Ellie is good. Scott is good, and I am good. It is easy to forget that Addie even has any health issues because she is so "normal." She is spunky, fun, and man is that girl funny. Although it is easy to forget at times, I am often reminded of the severity of her defect. I have chosen not to make this my life and by that, have chosen not to befriend many people in the heart world. Sometimes the weight of others' issues can be suffocating to me. Only because I know that could be us. There have been a lot of terrible things I have seen lately, and it makes me grateful that Addie is doing as well as she is. That we are doing as well as we are. We are grateful and happy and that is all we can ask for right now.





Thursday, May 15, 2014

Past/Present/Future

Here it is almost two years to the day that Adeline was born.  So much good has happened since that day that it is impossible to catalog.  I have to admit though that when it comes to her birthday I do still have memories of many tears shed and many, so many unanswered questions and fears.  Maybe those will fade.  Maybe they won't.  Maybe it is just part of the story or maybe it shouldn't be.  Obviously I just don't know the answers to these questions.  But something that keeps coming back to me is that unanswered questions must not always equal fear.  And that's what I have to keep remembering about our sweet Adeline.  Her past was so full of unanswered questions.  All of which led to fear.  Thankfully her present, though still peppered with unanswered questions brings about less fear.

The next thing to conquer is her future.  The questions abound as to what lies ahead for her.  Admittedly this is the same with our other daughter and any child I would imagine.  I wonder what her next couple of decades will be like.  I usually stop myself though when I am about to speak of Addie as an adult or even a high school student.  It is not at all that I don't believe she will be but the unanswered questions linger. Positive stories of Addie-like kids in their 20's are balanced against kids that need transplants before age 8.  In my mind I make light of thinking about Addie's future like the old baseball tradition of the team not talking about a no-hitter while it is in progress for fear of jinxing it.  I feel like Addie's progress through all of this these two years has been the early innings of that no-hitter.  Hush.  You can think about it all you want, but just don't talk about it. But it is Addie's unanswered future that keeps me from talking about it most times.  What she is going to do next week or next month, even in the next year or so, those are fine.  For some reason they don't really count.  It is the times when I think about junior high or high school.  Those are the times when I don't want to audibly speak about what might happen.  So I will sit here and just rejoice in the fact that she has done so well.  The unanswered questions, well they will always be there.  I try to leave the unanswered, simply as that, unanswered and not let them blossom into anything resembling fear.

I read a portion of a devotional last week written by Frederick Buechner that really stuck with me.  It said, "we cannot live our lives constantly looking back, listening back, lest we be turned to pillars of longing and regret, but to live without listening at all is to live deaf to the fullness of the music."  This spoke to me because I hope it describes how I am listening to all that life is telling me through Addie.  I try to focus not on the past, listening too much to it that I am frozen in place, but to listen just enough to fill me with some wisdom on how to carry out the present and a guide towards a better future.

So May 16, 2014 is not only a wonderful time for me to look back and remember but it is an opportunity to for me to take in the present fully and celebrate Adeline to the fullest.  But let's just not talk about it.  

Friday, May 9, 2014

Mother's Day 2014

It is crazy to think two years ago I was a week away from giving birth to my most precious Adeline. Her birthday brings up so many emotions for me. Remembering everything that was going on weeks and months before she was born is sometimes hard.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how hard it is to understand what someone else is going through. You can't. Even if you've been through something similar, there is no way you can understand the depth of pain, happiness, etc. another person is going through.

There was a point early in my pregnancy, around 20 weeks, after we found out how severe Addie's defect was where I would wake up every day and just wanted to end the pregnancy. I wanted it to be over. All of it. I didn't want any part of dealing with it anymore. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help thinking how much easier it would be to take this route.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought something like that would cross my mind. But it did. I shared with Scott everyday during that time in the midst of tears about how I just wanted it to be over. I was emotionally broken. I was tired and sad.

We met with our pastor at one point early on and I told him that I understood now why people make the decisions they do regarding pregnancies. I am not condoning this behavior, just saying that I get it. I still think that it is morally wrong, but I will never judge someone based on this decision. Our job is to love not hate.

Of course, I have no regrets. Addie made me the proud mom of two precious girls. She is a bright shining light every single day. Addie is special. She is "spunky in just the right ways,"  a friend recently told me, and funny and hard not to love. She has never met a stranger and I love that about her. She is paving her way in this world with her great big smile and infectious personality. Our journey with her has made me a much better person in so many ways.

Mother's Day means so much more to me now. It is always so close to both my girls' birthdays and brings up emotions I have almost forgotten about. Being a mama is hard work. Sometimes we have to make really hard decisions. Love is hard sometimes.


Happy Mother's Day to all you mama's out there. A friend shared this trailer with me and I loved it. Please watch and know that you are so much braver than you know. Surprised By Motherhood trailer.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Cardiology results

Addie's cardiology appointment ended up being rescheduled until January 30 due to the fact that she got sick the week she was originally supposed to go. Our cardiologist, Dr. Ikemba, is the absolute best. She loves our family so very much and is the best doctor for Addie. I always go in there knowing that Addie is getting the best care possible.

Addie is at such a fun age and was being a ham her whole appointment. She is always so happy and really is a joy to be around. She loves people and people love her. She just has a beautiful spirit.

Her oxygen saturations were 89-94. Her X-ray looked great, and she didn't end up having to have an ECHO. Dr. Ikemba listened to her and said she sounded great so wouldn't need one until her next appointment in July. She had a wear a holter moniter (to see if she has any arrhythmia) home and we just got word that everything was normal from that....normal sinus rhythm, nothing slow, no problems. Such great news.

Addie's next appointment, as I mentioned, will be in July. Dr. Ikemba mentioned that we will start talking about Addie's next cath and surgery at that time. I am hoping we can wait until closer to four and a half so we don't have to worry about it for another couple years. Not that I don't think about it almost every day, but it would just be nice if she were older.


Dr. Ikemba and Addie








Thursday, January 16, 2014

18 months, Christmas & family pictures


It's been awhile. I love to keep this page updated, but don't have a whole lot to write about right now. That feels good!

Addie had her 18 month well check at the first of December with Dr. Linderman. She checked out beautifully and was 32 inches (50-75%) and 21 lbs 2 oz (10-25%). She is exceeding all expectations and is above and beyond all her milestones. She is a rockstar! Addie is getting a synagis injection every month through RSV season. This will be her last year for that. The shots have been pretty terrible this year. She is aware where we are going and starts crying and saying, "Shot hurt legs," as soon as we get in the parking lot. I cry almost every time we have to go. Just something about this being a part of her life right now. All that to say, I am so glad this is the last year for them. We have a follow up cardiology appointment next Thursday and would appreciate your prayers for that. Those are always pretty nerve wracking appointments.

We had Christmas early at our house this year because we spent Christmas in Spearman. Spearman is always such a relaxing break for Scott and me and the girls absolutely love being there. Christmas was so much fun this year. Ellie had a huge list and her joy over her presents was pretty priceless. Addie was also really fun to watch! She loved everything she got.








Britt, my sister Lindsey's husband, took family pictures for us in November. He does some great work, and we got some really good pictures!










2013 turned out to be a pretty great year! Looking forward to all 2014 has to offer. As always, we appreciate you taking time to read our blog and for all your continuing prayers.