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Friday, May 9, 2014

Mother's Day 2014

It is crazy to think two years ago I was a week away from giving birth to my most precious Adeline. Her birthday brings up so many emotions for me. Remembering everything that was going on weeks and months before she was born is sometimes hard.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how hard it is to understand what someone else is going through. You can't. Even if you've been through something similar, there is no way you can understand the depth of pain, happiness, etc. another person is going through.

There was a point early in my pregnancy, around 20 weeks, after we found out how severe Addie's defect was where I would wake up every day and just wanted to end the pregnancy. I wanted it to be over. All of it. I didn't want any part of dealing with it anymore. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help thinking how much easier it would be to take this route.

Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought something like that would cross my mind. But it did. I shared with Scott everyday during that time in the midst of tears about how I just wanted it to be over. I was emotionally broken. I was tired and sad.

We met with our pastor at one point early on and I told him that I understood now why people make the decisions they do regarding pregnancies. I am not condoning this behavior, just saying that I get it. I still think that it is morally wrong, but I will never judge someone based on this decision. Our job is to love not hate.

Of course, I have no regrets. Addie made me the proud mom of two precious girls. She is a bright shining light every single day. Addie is special. She is "spunky in just the right ways,"  a friend recently told me, and funny and hard not to love. She has never met a stranger and I love that about her. She is paving her way in this world with her great big smile and infectious personality. Our journey with her has made me a much better person in so many ways.

Mother's Day means so much more to me now. It is always so close to both my girls' birthdays and brings up emotions I have almost forgotten about. Being a mama is hard work. Sometimes we have to make really hard decisions. Love is hard sometimes.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mama's out there. A friend shared this trailer with me and I loved it. Please watch and know that you are so much braver than you know. Surprised By Motherhood trailer.

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