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Monday, April 30, 2012

Protection

One of the things that I have come to cherish in being a father is that of the role of protector.  Maybe it is a male chauvinistic trait that I can’t get past, but providing a sense of security is something that is important to me.  I like being able to protect Ellie from things in the world from the smallest spider to hitting her head on the corner of the coffee table.  To have her cling to me when the thunder rolls makes me feel better as a father.  For Adeline, one of the hardest things to come to grips with is the sense that I may not be that to her.  She will need more than I can give her.  She needs so much protection and I may not be able to provide it.  Because of this feeling I sometimes dread her delivery for the simple fact that her greatest protection will be removed.  Her greatest Earthly protection right now is that provided by the womb.  Camille got some really good sonogram pictures on last week that showed Adeline’s face.  It was wonderful to see her precious face, but it hit me again, as it does every time we go to the doctor or I dwell on the coming day, she is safe where she is.  She is happy.  She has no problems.  Heart defects don’t matter there.  She is protected.  No surgeries.   No scars.  No hospitals.  No ICU’s.  Once she gets here it changes.  It all changes.
And here is where I need to “lean not on my own understanding” and to continue to drive out the fear of her arrival.  Even if I cannot protect her as I would like, I have to realize she will be protected.  She will be safe. 
“I hereby command you: Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9
I guess my greatest shelter for Adeline will be to remember this for myself and to teach her to remember it too.

3 comments:

  1. great post, scott. we are praying for you all!!!

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  2. You are such an incredible father, Scott. What great protecting you are already doing now... setting up a safe home, an established highly detailed medical plan with the doctors, and creating an enormous prayer network for Adeline. That protecting is different from what you are for Ellie but I think it just might be the bravest form of protecting I've ever seen.

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  3. Scott your words are so sweet. Just remember that we are all God's children and He is our Father. He would never give you the protective instinct for your children that he doesn't also share for his own. That means Adeline. And for those areas where you feel you may fall short, He won't. He does have the power to protect her from the things you can't, and loves her as much if not more than you already do. I pray that you and Camille stay strong in your faith and hope, and that you never stop believing.

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