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Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Heavy heart

My heart is heavy today. I have tried really hard not to make Addie's defect my life. I don't believe it would be a good way for me to live. Don't get me wrong, I will be the very best advocate for her and will do my best to give her a good life, but I honestly don't want her growing up with people talking about her like she is the sick kid. You would never know she has a serious heart defect unless I told you. I didn't want to be parent matched to a family with a kid that has the same defect. I was scared what the other child might be like. A lot of these kids have some serious complications from surgery or just poor heart function. I really wanted to protect myself from all other stories and live our life without comparing. 

Today, I learned some saddening news about a family that was recently at Children's with their little boy Beckham. He went in yesterday for a cough and his color was off. They think he suffered a mild heart attack and he is now on life support. I pretty much cried and prayed all day. For their family, for my family, for all the families out there with children who have serious heart defects. It is so scary. I do not read any heart blogs anymore, but I recently started reading theirs. It makes me sad. 

Why my family? That question brings up so many emotions for me. Anger, sadness and guilt all make an appearance. I wonder if this will ever get easier. I don't think so. It is still so fresh and new at times. And still, there is so much unknown. We have made it ten months, and I thank God for this time. I love both my girls so much it hurts. Watching them play today made me so grateful for all the blessings we have received. I can only pray for many more years with them both. 

Please pray for the Moreno family and their little boy Beckham. 


  1. It's been a bit since I checked in and am so sad to read this post! What a compelling question...why??? I think about your sweet family often and will say a little prayer for Beckham and his family. Sad with you.

  2. oh camille! i'm so sorry you had a rough day. and i can promise you that no one ever looks at addie like the "sick kid" - she is the happiest baby on the block! all smiles and a disposition that can light up any room. thankful for her, for you, and for all the p's!!! will pray for this family.