11 months!

My darling 11 month old. You are suddenly so grown up and looking so grown up. You pull up on everything and have started cruising a little bit. Your new words are baby, bottle, ball, bubble, no, dog, yeah and oh. You also said your first sentence. It might have been a coincidence, but "Bye, bye dada," is still a sentence. You like to drink out of a cup and pretend to talk on the phone. You got another top tooth a molar this month. You love your big sister so much and she loves you so much back. The bond between the two of you is something special. We have had a few extra doctor visits this month as you got croup and then a double ear infection and sinus infection. As we near your 1st birthday,  I have been reflecting a lot on what we were doing this time last year. We are beyond blessed!!!

April- Organ Donor Month

I read an article by Marv Knox this evening. He wrote about April being organ donor awareness month. Sadly I didn't even know there was such a month. Now I do and I am grateful to know this. This along with our Sunday School class's prayers for a friend of a member of the class to first get a heart transplant and then survive all the complications that go along with it made me think hard. I was reading the Knox article as I fed Addie. She fell asleep and was as peaceful as ever. But the more of the article I read and the more I thought of the young lady that received her new heart the more I grieved. I am a donor and proud of it. I feel it is one of the easiest, but most profoundly life altering things you can do to help a fellow human.

As I thought more about Addie's life, my own and the simple act of becoming a donor, the words of an old hymn came to mind:

"Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to Thee."

The words of this hymn ring differently to me when I think of my physical body upon my death. What better way to show the love Jesus has for us and that we are called to show others than to use our body to continue the life of another? Yes, I will admit there is a large part of me that is selfish in this stance. Addie's condition makes a heart transplant a very real possibility at some point in her lifetime. I don't often think about this. In fact I try not to think about it at all but tonight I was struck by it. One day Addie may rely on the tragic end of one life to prolong hers. How can I not put myself on the line for others as others have or will for Addie? Yes it is selfish but it is also, and more importantly, the right thing to do.

Marv Knox relates that organ donation is the ultimate fulfillment of Matthew 25's lesson to care for "the least of these."

I pray that I and especially Addie are never "one of the least of these" but if we are I know there are those that have made the decision to be consecrated for us.  And I consider it a privilege to stand ready to be consecrated for whomever may be the least of these upon my passing.

Heavy heart

My heart is heavy today. I have tried really hard not to make Addie's defect my life. I don't believe it would be a good way for me to live. Don't get me wrong, I will be the very best advocate for her and will do my best to give her a good life, but I honestly don't want her growing up with people talking about her like she is the sick kid. You would never know she has a serious heart defect unless I told you. I didn't want to be parent matched to a family with a kid that has the same defect. I was scared what the other child might be like. A lot of these kids have some serious complications from surgery or just poor heart function. I really wanted to protect myself from all other stories and live our life without comparing. 

Today, I learned some saddening news about a family that was recently at Children's with their little boy Beckham. He went in yesterday for a cough and his color was off. They think he suffered a mild heart attack and he is now on life support. I pretty much cried and prayed all day. For their family, for my family, for all the families out there with children who have serious heart defects. It is so scary. I do not read any heart blogs anymore, but I recently started reading theirs. It makes me sad. 

Why my family? That question brings up so many emotions for me. Anger, sadness and guilt all make an appearance. I wonder if this will ever get easier. I don't think so. It is still so fresh and new at times. And still, there is so much unknown. We have made it ten months, and I thank God for this time. I love both my girls so much it hurts. Watching them play today made me so grateful for all the blessings we have received. I can only pray for many more years with them both. 

Please pray for the Moreno family and their little boy Beckham.