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Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Back so soon?


We were admitted to Children's yesterday, and will most likely be here tonight.  Addie hasn't been feeling well since Monday and yesterday she seemed worse. She is uncomfortable, breathing funny at times and wakes up screaming. She was also really sleepy yesterday. She was either crying or asleep most the day yesterday. They have ruled out the big stuff, thank goodness. Her ECHO, EKG, and X-ray were all fine. There were a couple indicators on her labs that she might have infection somewhere, but these might be elevated because she isn't that far out from surgery so she could have some inflammation still from that. They did a blood culture that will give more accurate results. We should know preliminary information from that in 24 hours. I am so thankful that it isn't anything big, but I also wonder what is going on. They think she might have some bad reflux which could be why she is grunting, back arching, generally uncomfortable. She is already on a big dose of Prevacid so I am confused why she would just now be showing these signs.

This is so hard. I always fly into freak out mode when anything is wrong with Addie. I have read way too much, I know too much. It is exhausting. I spent the night at home with Ellie last night while Scott stayed here. On the drive home, I couldn't help but think about all the bad stuff that could be going on. It actually makes my heart hurt. Like, physically hurt. I also feel like it is my fault that she is having to go through this. Be admitted to the hospital for stuff that is so common for kids without bad hearts.  Every doctor that we saw before Addie's birth always made it a point to tell Scott and I that this wasn't our fault. It was nothing I ate or didn't eat. This stuff happens sporadically. But, I did do this to her. I can't help but think that.We decided to have a baby, and this is what happened. Some part of it is my fault, and I hate that with every ounce of my being. This time, we got lucky and it isn't anything big (we hope). I pray that isn't ever anything big. There is a potential though, and I have a huge problem with that. 

5 comments:

  1. There is nothing and I mean nothing worse than your kids being hurt...hugs

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  2. Oh, love. Your Mommy heart loves your girls something fierce... and you definitely did the right thing by taking her in--- and by knowing too much--- you are the most amazing advocate for your sweet babe. I love you so! Hang in there.

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  3. You gave her life, sweet sister. There is no fault in that.

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  4. We missed you tonight, Camille! Praying that they get to the root of the problem and that Addie feels better ASAP. You're an amazing mom and both of those precious girls are so lucky to have you... sending hugs and let us know if you need ANYTHING.

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